“Those who fail to plan, plan to fail,” as the old adage reminds us. Certainly, that’s true in the arena of retirement planning. How else to explain the dismal statistic, so often cited by Rajiv Nagaich, that – despite the fact that 90 percent of seniors hope to age in place – only about 30 percent will actually be able to live out their lives in their own homes? 

In too many instances, that figure represents a planning failure. It’s also why our focus this week on the Blog is on caregiving, since planning for long-term care needs is a vital component of a complete retirement plan. However, as this recent USA Today article reminds us, when we fail to plan for our eventual need for care, we aren’t the only ones who pay the price. Our refusal to plan will almost assuredly affect our loved ones as well. 

Let’s take a look at the article, written by USA Today reporter Madeline Mitchell, to see what planning lessons it holds for us. During November, which is National Caregivers Month, this topic couldn’t be more apropos. 

“Waiting Game” as Mom with Dementia Moves In With Family 

Through Mitchell’s reporting, we meet 48-year-old Melissa Rogers from Minnesota. Her mother, Alice, developed dementia and could not live in her own home in her final days. 

“Rogers found a memory care facility in Minnesota, where they live, and applied for a senior voucher to place her mom there,” Mitchell writes. ‘Then it was a waiting game,’ Rogers said.” 

In March 2023, mom moved in with Rogers and her family. Melissa Rogers “quit her job and cared for her mother full time,” says Mitchell. “Months passed, and her mother’s health declined. Rogers watched her twin daughters process the reality that their grandmother didn’t know who they were anymore.” 

After four months, Rogers’ mother passed away. Ironically, says Mitchell, “In September, Rogers got a call from the memory care facility that they had a room available for her mother. But it was too late.” 

Survey Shows Barely 1 in 6 Have Discussed Care Needs with Parents 

As USA Today explains, the predicament of the Rogers family isn’t particularly unusual. What’s striking to us is how far apart parents and adult kids seem to be, and how little conversation is actually taking place on this core issue. 

Mitchell writes, “While 74 percent of adults say they would want to be cared for at home, according to data from Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance, a new survey of more than 1,200 adults in the United States found 7 in 10 family caregivers don’t want their aging parents to live with them.”  

Even more surprising, the survey also found that “only 17 percent of respondents have had fully detailed discussions with their parents about their care needs and the possibility of moving to senior housing” or seeking out other housing solutions. 

Father Waits Until Final Days to Discuss End of Life Wishes 

For her USA Today article, Mitchell spoke with Joseph Cuticelli, cofounder and CEO of Restaura, a culinary company for senior living facilities. His sad personal experience with his own father was probably not atypical. 

“My father waited until 10 days before he died to tell me how he wanted to handle his end of life,” Cuticelli tells USA Today. “And this is a conversation I tried to have with him for a long time, but he was so hesitant.” 

Mitchell notes, “Those delayed conversations can become urgent when health emergencies arise or a parent’s health starts to rapidly decline.” Melissa Rogers from Minnesota said her family hadn’t prepared for her mom’s senior years at all. “You’re thrown into it,” she said. 

Despite Family Reservations, High Cost of Care Drives Living Decisions 

“Even though most adults don’t want their aging parents to live with them, many still find themselves in that situation,” Mitchell writes. “For a lot of families, it boils down to cost.” 

She quotes a recent survey from online lender LendingTree, which reveals that 46 percent of Americans either provide financial support for their aging parents or expect to. What’s more, of those who support their parents financially, more than half have incurred debt to do so. 

This in turn damages family ties. “Almost half feel resentment toward their parents because of the financial burden,” says Mitchell, citing the LendingTree data. This resentment is understandable, the USA Today article suggests, since “only 42 percent of boomers and 35 percent of Gen X respondents have planned financially for their own long-term care” based on the Northwestern Mutual study cited above. 

Matt Schulz, LendingTree’s chief consumer finance analyst, tells USA Today that caring for aging parents is admirable. “I think that it’s a noble thing to want to take care of those who took care of you for so long,” he says. “It’s also reasonable to feel resentment. Either way, he suggests sandwich generation caregivers start preparing as soon as they can, before their parents need help. You can never put too much money away.” 

Slow Process of Getting Back on Track After Serving as Caregiver 

For the Rogers family from Minnesota, even the short period of time their aging mother was with them took a severe toll on family finances. 

Melissa Rogers told Mitchell that quitting her job to care for her mother meant the family was losing about $300 per week. “That meant a lot of things for my family,” she said. “And we were in debt when mom passed, because she was with us.” 

Mitchell writes, “After her mother died, Rogers said ‘it took at least a year’ for her family’s finances to get back on track.” 

Daniel Loventhal of Northwestern Mutual notes the impact of caregiving on the sandwich generation. 

“It’s a real challenge when you’re taking care of multiple generations at the same time, from a time perspective, from a stress perspective, from a financial perspective,” Loventhal tells USA Today. “Can a younger generation still save for their kids’ education while they’re helping to pay for their parents’ or grandparents’ care?” 

Sometimes You Have to “Prioritize Your Own Family” 

Kathleen Korpela, a caregiving consultant in Seattle, knows the landscape of caregiving firsthand. “When Korpela’s father started to need significant care because of Alzheimer’s disease in 2017, her family was ‘woefully unprepared,’” Mitchell writes. The family had never discussed senior care and were clueless about the reality of dementia. 

Neither Korpela nor her brother could provide in-home care, so they got their father qualified for Medicaid and moved him into an adult family home. Korpela tells USA Today that the process of Medicaid qualification can take years, requiring a lot of phone calls, research and emotional conversations. 

“My brother and I did a really good job of recognizing that we love our father, we love our dad, we want the best for him. But we need to be able to support our own livelihoods, support our own families and take care of ourselves,” Korpela tells USA Today’s Mitchell. 

Her advice to clients is straightforward.  “As much as you might love and care for your parent, you cannot put your own financial livelihood and your financial future security at risk.” That said, the earlier people can plan for their parents’ financial and living situation, the better. 

Rajiv Nagaich – Your Retirement Planning Coach and Guide 

The long-awaited book by Rajiv Nagaich, called Your Retirement: Dream or Disaster, has been released and is now available to the public. Retirement: Dream or Disaster joins Rajiv’s ground-breaking DVD series and workbook, Master Your Future, as a powerful planning tool in your retirement toolbox. As a friend of AgingOptions, we know you’ll want to get your copy and spread the word.  

You’ve heard Rajiv say it repeatedly: 70 percent of retirement plans will fail. If you know someone whose retirement turned into a nightmare when they were forced into a nursing home, went broke paying for care, or became a burden to their families – and you want to make sure it doesn’t happen to you – then this book is must-read. 

Through stories, examples, and personal insights, Rajiv takes us along on his journey of expanding awareness about a problem that few are willing to talk about, yet it’s one that results in millions of Americans sleepwalking their way into their worst nightmares about aging. Rajiv lays bare the shortcomings of traditional retirement planning advice, exposes the biases many professionals have about what is best for older adults, and much more. 

Rajiv then offers a solution: LifePlanning, his groundbreaking approach to retirement planning. Rajiv explains the essential planning steps and, most importantly, how to develop the framework for these elements to work in concert toward your most deeply held retirement goals.  

Your retirement can be the exciting and fulfilling life you’ve always wanted it to be. Start by reading and sharing Rajiv’s important message. And remember, Age On, everyone! 

(originally reported at www.usatoday.com)