Back in an earlier time, when a parent would pass away, the bickering between the heirs would start. “Mom always wanted me to have that silver pitcher.”  “Dad promised me his belt buckle collection.” “The folks said I could have the dining room set.” “The piano has my name on it.”

Well, according to the experts, that was then – and this is now. As boomers age (the oldest boomers turn 80 next year) and take the steps required to downsize, they’re going to learn a painful lesson. Many of those precious collectibles, treasured knickknacks, sterling silver place settings and polished walnut sideboards are not going to be welcomed in the homes of their adult kids – because the kids really don’t want them.

We’ve written about this here on the Blog before, but it’s always a popular subject. So we were intrigued to run across this perceptive article on the subject from NextAvenue.  The article from reporter Bonnie Miller Rubin originally appeared last spring, and it became one of NextAvenue’s ten most read stories of 2024. Sounds like Rubin struck a nerve. Let’s take another look.

Much-loved Possessions Are a Burden, not a Blessing

“Not too long ago,” Rubin begins, “heirs would fight over who gets Mom and Dad’s valuable collections — sterling silver flatware, Lladro figurines or Lenox china. We’re not talking about a couch or a crockpot, but carefully-curated, much-loved possessions that were once considered an emblem of success and gracious living.”

But now, as she explains, these precious objects can be seen as “more burden than blessing”, and changing tastes and smaller living spaces have contributed to a more negative view of what once were treasures.

Parents Can be Hurt by Kids’ Lack of Interest

Jim Berland, a Chicago collector of autographed manuscripts, admitted to being “a little hurt” by his daughter’s lack of interest in his collection. “Kids just don’t want this stuff anymore,” he says.

Moreover, if collections and “collectibles” are difficult to get rid of, furniture is even worse. This is especially true with what Rubin calls “brown furniture”: dining room tables with Chippendale chairs, breakfronts and buffets. Berland says that that market is over.

“You can’t even give it away,” he says. “Our kids look at these things as if they’re garbage.”

Rubin writes, “The story is the same for dozens of other artifacts — glass paperweights, leather-bound books, Oriental rugs, Wedgewood, and many other acquisitions that were once dutifully dusted and polished before being passed on to the next generation. Even today’s bridal registries are apt to be more Target than Tiffany’s.”

Boomers Expecting High Values are In for a Shock

Personal rejection from younger family members is one thing, and that’s hard enough. But to add insult to injury, the actual resale value of these heirlooms isn’t quite up to expectations, either. Popular television shows like “Antiques Road Show” and “Pawn Stars” can create an unrealistic idea of how much something is worth.

Rubin explains, “To increase in value, items need to be in demand, rare and in mint condition, according to auctioneers, appraisers and antique dealers nation-wide.” That’s seldom the case.

Jacquie Denny, co-owner of an online company based in Cincinnati that runs estate sales, says, “I tell clients that in every sale there are stars and cast members. It’s why the mass-produced stemware of the 1950s and ’60s barely gets $20, while Baccarat crystal can go for almost full price. Setting realistic expectations is just part of the job.”

Buying “Treasures” at Flea Market Prices

Rubin is no stranger to this phenomenon in her own life. “Take my Lladro – please — which my late mother cherished,” she jokes.

She goes on to explain that she recently took some of the once-coveted porcelain figures to an Evanston antique store. The owner, Dawn Okamoto, told Rubin that she already has “hundreds”, which “sell only occasionally”, usually around holidays like Mother’s Day or Christmas.

“Typically,” Rubin writes, “Okamoto buys them at garage sales and flea markets for a few bucks — then sells them in the $18 to $65 range – quite a tumble for objects that originally retailed for $300 or more, leaving customers crushed.”

Okamoto says, “It happens all the time. We let them know that the market bears the value. If there’s no market, there’s no value. It’s all about supply and demand.”

As Hobbies Die Out, Collections Lose Their Value

For Rubin’s 70-year-old brother, the issue is his extensive stamp collection, which he’s been curating since he was in third grade. “Despite the fact that his album may be valuable, he doesn’t want to leave it to someone who will just turn it into cash – a transaction he could easily do himself,” Rubin explains. “Instead, he hopes to give it to someone who will derive as much enjoyment as he has over the years.”

But sadly, so far, his offer has not excited any interest from his nieces and nephews, because stamp collecting is considered a “dying hobby”, with the average age of its enthusiasts over 60.

“Even if he did want to sell, prices in the email era have plummeted by as much as 20 percent, according to the Philatelic Traders Society,” Rubin writes. “So, unless you have an 1867 Abraham Lincoln, which sold for $1.6 million in 2019, you may be in for a rude awakening.”

Getting Rid of Stuff: Practical Reasons to Say No

Sometimes it’s not a matter of desire, but of lifestyles and logistics. “Many millennials tend to be more mobile, following the job and living in smaller homes,” Rubin writes. This means that they have little or no space for larger collectibles, like furniture…or a model train set.

Melody Rogers of the Train Collectors Association says that the organization currently has 20,000 members, down from 30,000 in its heyday. As the museum coordinator for 23 years, she fields several calls a month from people hoping to “re-home” their train collections at the Pennsylvania museum. “They say ‘When I die, my family will probably just throw this all into the trash’ … It’s sad, but even we have to be concerned with space.”

Rogers, instead, recommends some alternatives, such as toy train auctions or Ebay. “I try to use comforting words,” she says.

Some of the Items You Don’t Want to Get Rid Of

“So,” Rubin poses, “what is the hot market?” What items might kids actually want?

According to Denny, it’s stuff that falls under “Geek chic”, nostalgia-based items such as vintage toys, action figures, comic books, sports memorabilia, and sneakers. Denny herself recently sold a box of unopened Pokemon cards for a “good price.”

We also find that young people often want small items that they associate with a beloved grandparent or aunt. These can be as simple as a box of hand-written recipe cards or a favorite fountain pen. The actual value is negligible but the sentimental value is irreplaceable – and these keepsakes tend to be small and portable.

Getting Rid of Stuff is Traumatic for Many Seniors

“Professionals agree that their primary role may be sales — their usual commission is 30 to 40 percent — but they are often called upon to be part-time therapists, especially when clients are downsizing to an assisted living facility,” Rubin writes. These experts listen to the stories attached to these items and collections, the hunt for that elusive piece, the connections to long-gone relatives.

Rubin notes that the lack of reverence that the younger generation seems to have for these items may feel insensitive, but it mostly reflects a shift in values. “They are often more interested in experiences — such as travel — than materialistic things,” she writes. “That is a different value from their ancestors, many of whom were working class or immigrants. Their possessions represented security and a sense of belonging; a sign that they had achieved the American dream.”

Denny adds that for many people, liquidating these days often has a specific purpose. One of her clients sold his treasures to fund a grandchild’s tuition to nursing school. Another, a widower, sold all of his late wife’s jewelry, expensive handbags, and other luxury goods. Rubin writes, “On their son’s wedding day, the father handed the son a check for $23,000 and said, ‘This is from your Mom.’”

Today’s Young People Entertain Differently

It’s also true that “entertaining” doesn’t look the way it used to, which means that certain furniture, crystal champagne flutes, or Limoges china might not be as practical for young adults, even ones who love to gather.

Rubin explains that today’s hosts are more casual, opting for “a buffet on the kitchen counter, a barbecue on the deck or pizza served from a cardboard box. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In the old days, after days of polishing, cooking and cleaning, Mom was often too exhausted to enjoy her guests.”

But overall, Rubin writes that when it comes to passing along heirlooms, “the elders shouldn’t let their bruised feelings get in the way of their relationships.” One octogenarian she spoke to, moving from a 3,500 square foot home to a senior community in the Sunbelt, quipped, “They don’t want our antiques any more than we want their futons and particleboard furniture from Ikea.”

Denny concludes the article with her thoughts, in a job that gives her a “front row seat” to how people transition their lives: “You are working with people at their best and their worst. It’s an emotional journey to take apart a house. It needs to be met with practicality, but also with compassion and respect.”

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(originally reported at www.nextavenue.org)