Isolation is a condition that plagues many older Americans – as many as one-third, according to current research. Hundreds of articles have linked loneliness to a wide range of health concerns among U.S. seniors: for example, early in 2023 we wrote an article here on the Blog highlighting a Johns Hopkins study connecting isolation with increased risk of dementia. The perils of living lonely and disconnected lives are robbing seniors of joy and freedom as they age.

Given that fact, could it be that one gender or the other is actually at greater risk from isolation? Recently we discovered an article in the website of KFF Health News in which reporter Judith Graham shows us how men are actually more likely than women to experience the perils of loneliness as they grow older. For whatever reason – especially as their spouses pass away – older men are often left feeling a deep sense of loss and disconnectedness that robs them of their identity and sense of purpose.

We’ll take a look at Graham’s article. As we do, consider your own situation. If you’re an aging American male, or if a senior man is close to you, could the pitfalls of isolation be lurking?

For One Physician, “Period of Crisis” Follows Retirement

Graham begins with the story of South Carolina physician Paul Rousseau who decided to retire in 2017 at age 66. Graham describes is as “a difficult and emotionally fraught transition.”

As Rousseau told Graham, “I didn’t know what I was going to do, where I was going to go.” He chose to relocate to the mountains of North Carolina, a move which only aggravated his aimlessness. “Soon,” says Graham, “a sense of emptiness enveloped him. He had no friends or hobbies — his work as a doctor had been all-consuming. Former colleagues didn’t get in touch, nor did he reach out.”

Rousseau had lost his wife a decade earlier. As for his two adult daughters, he was estranged from one and had only occasional contact with the other. Eventually, even his three dogs, who he called “his most reliable companions,” died as well.

An Illustrious Resume – and a Deep Sense of Loss

“Rousseau was completely alone — without friends, family, or a professional identity — and overcome by a sense of loss,” says Graham. Last May, he described his experience for a professional journal.

“I was a somewhat distinguished physician with a 60-page resume,” Rousseau, now 73, wrote in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society.  “Now, I’m ‘no one,’ a retired, forgotten old man who dithers away the days.”

Is Rousseau’s case unusual, or does isolation affect men differently? The KFF Health News analysis says yes, men are generally at greater risk of feeling isolated and alone.

Older Men: Fewer Friends, Reluctant to Reach Out

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In some ways,” Graham writes, “older men living alone are disadvantaged compared with older women in similar circumstances. Research shows that men tend to have fewer friends than women and be less inclined to make new friends. Often, they’re reluctant to ask for help.”

She spoke with Harvard psychiatrist Robert Waldinger. “Men have a harder time being connected and reaching out,” Waldinger stated. He is part of an ongoing Harvard study which has “traced the arc of hundreds of men’s lives over a span of more than eight decades,” as Graham describes it.

The men in the study who fared the worst, Waldinger told Graham, “didn’t have friendships and things they were interested in — and couldn’t find them.” For that reason, Waldinger and others emphasize that, along with physical fitness, men should invest in their “social fitness” to ensure they have satisfying social interactions.

At Least 20 Percent of Senior Men Live Alone

In her article, Graham explains the scope of the problem. About 20 percent of men ages 65 to 74 live alone, according to 2022 Census Bureau data. That figure rises to nearly 25 percent for those 75 or older. While just under one-third are widowed, 40 percent are divorced and 21 percent never married.

“That’s a significant change from 2000, when only 1 in 6 older men lived by themselves,” Graham points out. “Longer life spans for men and rising divorce rates are contributing to the trend.”  She explains that the problems of isolation in aging men haven’t been studied in depth, but that is changing.

Isolation Can Have More Severe Health Effects in Men

Psychologists and psychiatrists say these older men can be quite vulnerable, according to Graham. In fact, she writes, “When men are widowed, their health and well-being tend to decline more than women’s.”

Part of the reason may lie in the male psyche. “Older men have a tendency to ruminate, to get into our heads with worries and fears and to feel more lonely and isolated,” said Jed Diamond, 80, a therapist and the author of “Surviving Male Menopause” and “The Irritable Male Syndrome.”

Another contributing factor is societal: the dramatic decline over the past generation or two in service clubs and activities such as bowling leagues that used to be a major part of life for the typical American male. As Graham writes, “Add in the decline of civic institutions where men used to congregate — think of the Elks or the Shriners — and older men’s reduced ability to participate in athletic activities, and the result is a lack of stimulation and the loss of a sense of belonging.”

Isolation Triggers a Range of Dangerous Conditions and Behaviors

What happens when aging men experience protracted periods of isolation and lack of purpose? Graham answers, “Depression can ensue, fueling excessive alcohol use, accidents, or, in the most extreme cases, suicide. Of all age groups in the United States, men over age 75 have the highest suicide rate, by far.” That’s according to the CDC.

For her column, Graham spoke at length to several older men who live alone. Two were divorced while the others were widowed. We lack the space here to include their stories in detail, but we’ve summed up Graham’s observations, which, she acknowledges, may not apply universally but are nevertheless revealing.

“Hobbled by Grief,” Plagued by Anxiety, Buoyed by Faith

The first man was an 88-year-old marketing executive who was left “hobbled by grief” by the death of his wife. “I’ve had a long and wonderful life, and I have lots of family and lots of friends who are terrific,” Koff told Graham. But now, he said, “nothing is of interest to me any longer. I’m not happy living this life.”  Ironically, this gentleman, already in poor health from lack of nutrition, passed away several days after speaking with Graham.

Another man with whom Graham connected was, at age 80, also facing the “profoundly disorienting” transition from being coupled to being single. “I find myself talking to her all the time, most of the time in my head,” he told Graham. “Maybe I don’t have any close friends.” He confessed that his anxiety had “exploded” as a result of living on his own. Shortly after his interview, he decided to relocate to be closer to family. “Life has to go on,” he said

The experience of another man, age 76 and twice divorced, has been somewhat different. He lives in a low-income apartment building in on Chicago’s West Side. Despite his divorces, he has close family connections with children and grandchildren who see him regularly. This man credits his religious faith and his church for providing “a sense of meaning and community.” As a result, he told Graham that being alone isn’t hard. [“Jesus] said that he would never leave us or forsake us,” he states. “I just thank God that he has brought me this far.”

Overcoming Isolation Demands Effort, Creativity

What’s the answer to the problem of isolation? Harvard’s Waldinger says men need to “make an effort every day to be in touch with people. Find what you love — golf, gardening, birdwatching, pickleball, working on a political campaign — and pursue it. Put yourself in a situation where you’re going to see the same people over and over again. Because that’s the most natural way conversations get struck up and friendships start to develop.”

Rousseau, the retired physician, has chosen a related path: he now lives in a tiny cabin in Wyoming, volunteering at a Jackson Hole fish hatchery and serving as a part-time park ranger. He also helps maintain hiking trails in nearby national forests. “Those activities put him in touch with other people, mostly strangers,” Graham writes, but “only intermittently.”

But what will happen to him when this way of living is no longer possible, the article asks? “I wish I had an answer, but I don’t,” Rousseau said. “I don’t see my daughters taking care of me. As far as someone else, I don’t think there’s anyone else who’s going to help me.”

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(originally reported at https://kffhealthnews.org)