Aging is serious business – or is it? Perhaps one of the keys to aging with grace, happiness, and good health involves keeping your sense of humor alive and well. 

When we came across this delightful column in the New York Times, we were eager to share it here on the Blog. (Please note that a New York Times subscription may be required to access the article.) The column is the work of nationally-known author and essayist Roger Rosenblatt, who (among other works) wrote Rules for Aging. That book came out 25 years ago when Rosenblatt was 60. Now that he’s 85, he’s produced a sequel, having discovered (he now says) what aging is really like. It’s a perspective he shares with wit and gentle empathy. 

Let’s take a look at Rosenblatt’s points – offered tongue-in-cheek, but with a kernel of truth behind each one.  We hope these “tips” for happier aging bring a smile to your face and add spring to your step. 

“I Thought I Knew a Thing or Two”: A Change in Perspective 

Roger Rosenblatt has a stellar career as a writer, columnist, and essayist. He has written for New Republic, Time, The Washington Post, and a host of other publications. He has also written 22 books. In 2000, Rosenblatt published his book called Rules for Aging, which he calls a how-to guide for navigating one’s later years.  

“I was 60 at the time and thought that I knew a thing or two about being old,” he quips. “Twenty-five years later, I just finished a sequel, which reflects my advice for growing very, very old. (I have been doing a lot of that lately.)” 

While he says it took him 85 years to learn these things, he believes that they are applicable at any age. So, with that as a backdrop, let’s take a look at Rosenblatt’s list of tips and quips.   

Be Less Self-Absorbed: “Nobody’s Thinking About You” 

Rosenblatt starts with a humbling reminder: we need to get over ourselves. He writes, “It was true 25 years ago, and it’s true today. Nobody is thinking about you. Nobody ever will.” 

No teachers, ministers, colleagues, shrinks…no one. This news comes as a shock to those of us convinced the world revolves around us! 

“It can be a bummer of a thought,” he adds. “But it’s also liberating. That time you fell on your butt in public? That dumb comment you made at dinner last week? That brilliant book you wrote? No one is thinking about it.” 

So, who are they thinking about?  “Others are thinking about themselves,” he says. “Just like you.” 

Energize Your Relationships: “Make Young Friends” 

Rosenblatt is a big believer in cross-generational friendships. They can keep older folks vibrant, and they make a perfect audience for…exaggerated storytelling, let’s say.  

“For older folks, there is nothing more energizing than the company of the young,” he writes. “They’re bright, enthusiastic, informative and brimming with life, and they do not know when you’re telling them lies.” 

In other words, break out of the habit of hanging out exclusively with people your own age! 

Preserve Your Health: “Try to See Fewer Than 5 Doctors” 

It’s inevitable: as we age, our relationship to health and medicine changes. 

“I now have more doctors than I ever thought possible — each one specializing in an area of my body that I had been unaware existed,” he writes. “They compete with one another for attention. This week’s contest is between my kidneys and my spleen.” 

While he has nothing against doctors specifically, with several doctors in his own family, he warns against moving between them “like an automobile on an assembly line”. 

“If the end product were a Lamborghini, I’d be fine. But I’m a Studebaker,” Rosenblatt says.  

He adds, tongue firmly in cheek, that under no circumstances should we allow our health care professionals to be our only social interactions on a weekly basis. He writes, “I know all these doctor visits are prudent and inevitable. But when one’s social life consists of Marie, who takes my blood, and an M.R.I. technician named Lou, it’s hardly a good sign.” 

Embrace Joys of Companionship: “Get a Dog” 

Rosenblatt gives no room for excuses here: he admonishes us to “Just do it.” 

Why a dog? Simple: dogs are rarely all that difficult to deal with, and they love without limits. “They take more naps than you do, and they listen to you intently,” he explains. “That’s because they think you might have food, to satisfy their bottomless appetites. Care not about their motives. No creature on Earth will ever find you more fascinating than your dog does. I’m excluding yourself, of course.” 

Stay Humble: “Don’t Hear the Cheers” 

This particular advice is vital at any age, according to Rosenblatt, but can be crucial for older people to understand, especially if they find themselves in a position to receive so-called “lifetime achievement awards” or other kudos and accolades like “Rotarian of the Year.” 

“Pay no attention to those accolades,” Rosenblatt writes. “Just proceed to live the life you’re living, giving it whatever it requires.” 

He recounts an anecdote about Bill Russell, legendary center for the Boston Celtics. Russell was a superstar player, responsible for many of the Celtics’ NBA championships, and yet he recalls being booed many nights by racist fans in the Boston crowd. One day, his daughter asked him, “Daddy, how can you stand all that booing?”  

He replied, “I don’t hear the boos because I don’t hear the cheers.” 

Rosenblatt explains, “One makes a great mistake believing the grand things said about him or her, even if those things are true. Especially if they’re true. The important thing, at any age, is to do the work. The work is far more satisfying than a truckload of compliments. It also takes the place of self-love, always a good thing. (But don’t worry. You’re still fabulous.)” 

Practice Kindness: “Everyone You Meet is in Pain” 

Kindness is important to Rosenblatt, and it starts with a realistic picture of other people.  

“If you didn’t know that before, you know it now,” he writes. “People you meet casually, those you’ve known all your life, the ones you’ll never see — everyone’s in pain. If you need an excuse for being kind, start with that.” 

At every age, but especially as we grow older, empathy is one of life’s most valued skills. 

Pay Attention to the Unexpected: “Listen for Bob Marley” 

This advice is simple, but profound: keep looking and listening for the unexpected joy in daily life. “You have more free time to observe and appreciate the world these days, so do it,” Rosenblatt says.   

To that end, he talks about how he walks his Labradoodle, Molly, at around 4 every morning. “It’s just a habit I’ve gotten into, and the hour works well for my writing schedule,” he explains.  

Miguel, the night shift doorman in Rosenblatt’s apartment building, stands in the open doorway and watches for Rosenblatt and Molly to go out and come back in every morning.  

“I’ve never felt any danger at that hour because Miguel — who stands 6-foot-5 — watches where we go, in any weather, and waits for our safe return,” Rosenblatt writes.  

He continues, “One morning, coming out of the elevator, I heard an exquisitely beautiful baritone voice singing ‘One Love’ by Bob Marley. Not Marley’s voice but something its own. I thought the voice must be a recording, but there was no instrumental accompaniment. When I saw Miguel, I asked him, ‘Did you hear that singing?’ He blushed and turned his big face to the side. ‘That was me,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know anyone was here.’ I told him, ‘Don’t be sorry. You have a wonderful voice.’” 

Rosenblatt concludes that there’s nothing more to that story, and that he and Miguel have never discussed the singing again. “But it was there, you see,” he writes. “The secret being inside the doorman. The other self, who sang like an angel. I hear it every time Miguel holds open the door and watches protectively. And the big man is bigger still.” 

Stay Social: “Join a Gang” 

While this advice could be taken generally, Rosenblatt says it’s meant more for men than for women, because women tend to join groups a little more readily than men, who are often self-isolating. 

“The value of socializing comes to women naturally, which is why the world would be better if women ran it,” he writes. “They know how to get along in groups. Men, on the other hand, are solitary, static things. Generals without wars, astride iron horses. They don’t band together naturally, but they ought to, especially when too much solitude leads to self-conscious gloom.” 

Rosenblatt’s advice? “Join a gang — that’s what I say.” Not a motorcycle gang, he explains, but simply a group of guys who share an interest. “Joining a gang also serves society at large,” he says. “It keeps us off the streets.” 

Rosenblatt’s own gang is called the Meatheads, “named for our collective tasteless interest in terrible movies,” he explains. “There are seven or eight of us, artists mostly, and we’ve been together some 40 years. Grown men in name only, we sit in the front rows of the theater, throw popcorn and Junior Mints at one another (the mints can sting) and make noisy comments during the show, which doesn’t endear us to the other patrons — though during one clunker, a woman told me she’d rather hear us than the actors.” 

Keep Sadness in Perspective: “Live with Your Regrets” 

Simply put, don’t be consumed by “should-haves” and “might-have-beens.”  “[Regrets are] part of life,” he writes. “Learn to live with them.” 

We would add that a bit of self-forgiveness may be in order here. We all need it. 

Celebrate: “Start and End Each Day with Louis Armstrong” 

We agree, it’s tough to feel down when listening to the great Satchmo. Rosenblatt’s advice: “’West End Blues’ or anything, really. I won’t tell you why. But you’ll thank me.” 

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(originally reported at www.nytimes.com)