Imagination is a wonderful thing. Sometimes our imagination can take us on flights of fancy into dream worlds that could never really exist in real life. Imagination is what allows us to daydream and to create.
But our imagination can also be a productive tool if we put it to good use. For example, as described in this recent article from USA Today, one of the keys to a more fulfilling retirement is to use our imagination to visualize our future after we stop working full time. Our guide on this journey of the imagination is Nancy Schlossberg, professor and author, who herself discovered the hard way that the retirement life she had envisioned was destined to hit a few speed bumps.
For us, the point is clear. Whenever we find ourselves in a place where the way forward seems murky – an accurate description of retirement for many of us, at least at times – we need to make the time to reflect on where we are and reimagine how our lives could be. This ability to picture a desired future and then move toward it could provide millions of us with a more fulfilling retirement.
Plans for a Happy Retirement Quickly Squashed
Schlossberg begins her article with a confession: she expected that her retirement after a 40-year career would be “a piece of cake”, especially since her work had focused on the transitions that older people face.
But, she writes, “My expectations for an easy, happy retirement were quickly squashed.”
She attributes this to two major mistakes. “First, my husband and I decided to move the year we both retired,” she explains. “As an expert on transitions, I should have realized two major transitions simultaneously could be disruptive.”
She adds, “Second, I had the unrealistic expectation that nonprofits in our new community would want to hire me as a consultant. Wrong. They wanted me to join their boards and help raise money ‒ something that did not interest me at all.”
Losing Your Way and Feeling Irrelevant
For Schlossberg, this meant a complete overhaul of both her life circumstances and her self-concept. “I no longer knew what to put on my business card, I no longer knew what I wanted to do with my life, I no longer felt relevant,” she writes.
Thankfully, her go-to strategy when struggling is to learn more. So she started conversations, “interviewing retirees living in trailer parks, individuals participating in community centers, and organizations like the World Bank only to find I was not alone.”
Like her, other retirees she spoke with from various career backgrounds expressed feeling irrelevant, dismissed, lonely, and depressed. In short, they felt invisible.
The Need to Feel Noticed and Valued – to “Matter”
Schlossberg writes, “The lack they struggled with could be summed up with one word, ‘mattering,’ − the need to feel noticed, valued, depended upon.”
This concept was conceptualized by the late University of Maryland distinguished professor and Schlossberg’s colleague, Morris Rosenberg. Schlossberg explains, “Rosenberg studied adolescent boys and discovered that what differentiated those deemed delinquent from those who weren’t was the degree to which they felt they mattered.”
In further studies of both homelessness and adult learners at university level, “mattering” was found to be the key for those who continue to strive and better their own situations.
A Financial or Emotional Crisis Awaits 80 Percent of Retirees
“The need to matter could be the secret to a happy retirement,” Schlossberg writes. “If so, what will happen to the 4.1 million individuals expected to retire in 2025?”
That’s a highly pertinent question, since the National Council on Aging states that 80 percent of those retirees will face either a financial or emotional crisis, if not both. “As a nation, we face the challenge of figuring out how millions of retirees can construct a life where they feel valued,” Schlossberg adds.
She provides the following prompts to help boost feelings of “mattering”. (These have been edited slightly for brevity.)
Some Gateways to a Reimagined Retirement
Get Involved. Schlossberg cites one woman from the group she co-leads, who decided to move to a trailer park that advertised itself as a place that sponsored community connections. “She also joined the Senior Friendship Center as a volunteer,” Schlossberg writes. This sense of engagement made her feel she mattered to others.
Make Connections. “One recent widow complained that some of the couples she’d hung out with no longer included her,” Schlossberg writes. “A friend suggested she take the initiative and start giving dinner parties or inviting couples to join her for a movie.” If you feel you no longer matter to your circle of friends, find a new one.
Practice Gratitude. Schlossberg encourages being quick to offer encouragement or thank someone for their help. “These small gestures make others feel valued and enhance our own sense of purpose,” she writes. One way to matter to others is to be an encourager.
Help Out. “When a therapist learned about [retired nurse] May’s depression, she convinced a local hospital to share the names of newly released patients with May who then provided phone support to help them deal with their health issues,” Schlossberg recalls. By reaching out to others, her own sense of self-value increased.
Check Your Mindset. Treat your mental health the way you would your physical health: check in often with your primary care physician, and note any changes. Too often we dismiss signs of sadness, apathy, or even depression as if these were somehow unimportant.
A Reimagined Life: “Who Do I Want to Be?”
We all need a road map, and the USA Today article gives us one helpful tool. Schlossberg writes, “Based on hundreds of interviews, I identified six paths that can help boost one’s ‘mattering:’ You can combine paths and change them as life evolves.” (For the sake of correct representation, these have been included verbatim from Schlossberg’s article.)
She suggests asking yourself: “Do I want to be a…?”
Continuer: This means continuing in a modified way what you have always done. For example, someone whose field was gerontology might continue their interest in aging by volunteering at a senior center.
Adventurer: Moving into an entirely different field, like the advertising executive who became a docent in a museum.
Easy glider: Letting each day unfold with no clear agenda, enjoying the freedom to explore different activities.
Involved spectator: Staying engaged in your field but as an observer rather than a doer, like the retired museum director who became absorbed in the art world.
Searcher: Continuously exploring how to take the next steps in your journey, trying out different activities and roles.
Retreater: Take a temporary break to reflect and recharge, so long as it does not result in becoming a couch potato.
Retirement: A Continual Cycle of Change, Reevaluation
As Schlossberg brings her article to a close, she reflects that retirement is a major transition that comes with many changes in relationships, routines, circumstances, and even your perspectives.
“According to Forbes, retirees can expect to live 20 to 30 more years,” she writes. “During these years, you might experience recurring cycles of mattering, not mattering and mattering again. But with each bump in the road, you can revisit your retirement strategies, and reevaluate the path you are on. When you remember that you matter you can retire satisfied and happy.”
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(originally reported at www.usatoday.com)