This week on the Blog, we’re examining the critical (and often unsung) role family caregivers play in our nation’s healthcare system. As we pointed out in another article this week, there are roughly 48 million unpaid caregivers in the U.S., and at least half that number are caring for older adults in a residential setting. The annual value of their labor totals about $600 billion.

In this article, we’re looking beyond the big numbers and diving into the human side of caregiving. Our guide this time is this recent report from Kiplinger exploring the very real problem of caregiver stress. Reporter MP Dunleavey examines this important issue through the eyes of a highly-trained expert in public health who suddenly found herself faced with the stress of being a caregiver.

What we liked about Dunleavey’s article was her focus on the little things – small habits that can make a big difference in stress management. Let’s look at the Kiplinger article where Dunleavey explores five of these “little things.”

Caregiver Stress Can Knock Anyone’s Plans Off-Track

“Caregiver stress has a way of derailing your best-laid plans,” Dunleavey’s article begins. As an example, she introduces us to Jennifer Beard—a Boston-based associate professor of global health—who found herself “catapulted” into the caregiving role a few years ago when her mother was sent home from the hospital with a feeding tube.

While Beard was living and working in Boston, teaching at Boston University School of Public Health, her mother was living in Ohio. And though her mom wanted to live independently, the feeding tube was too much to manage on her own.

Beard had no choice but to step in and help. “On top of the lack of preparation,” she says, “there was a total, overwhelming time commitment — plus the psychic demand” of trying to run her own life and her job from about 700 miles away.

Caregiver Stress Triggered by “Sudden Loss of Control”

According to Dunleavey, caregiver stress is characterized by a “sudden loss of control over your life, the unpredictability of your parent’s needs” and “the struggle to find reliable support.”

The 2024 Family Caregiver Annual Report from SeniorLiving.com says that 72 percent of family caregivers experience emotional strain. Two-thirds have a tough time balancing their caregiving duties with other responsibilities, and over half are stressed about money.

“Yet even though there are reams of advice on how to alleviate this stress, much of it misses the point,” Dunleavey writes. “You can’t ask people who are already doing too much to do more things. Hire an aide. Try respite care. Eat better. Make time for yourself. Unless you have the bandwidth to make the 37 calls to set up respite care (and the money to pay for it) — or conjure up some ‘me’ time — you need a different set of tools.”

Dunleavey provides the following “battle-tested strategies” from caregivers and caregiving experts. But she’s quick to say that some ideas will suit you, and some won’t, and that’s okay. Amanda Krisher, associate director with the National Council on Aging (NCOA) Center for Healthy Aging, reminds us that “Stress management is unique to each person. You have to find what works for you.”

To Ease Caregiver Stress, Seize “Small Victories”

The burden on caregivers is often immense, and Dunleavey knows that it’s tempting to dream about the sudden arrival of a cure-all solution to the stress. “Maybe your difficult sibling will show up and do their part. A rich cousin might whisk you away to a spa,” she writes. “Needless to say, those scenarios rarely occur. This is a game of inches.”

Krisher agrees. “It’s less about the big self-care moves — like taking a vacation, or even a yoga class, and more about doing small things that help, and doing them consistently.”

Dunleavey reminds readers about Dan Harris’s best-selling book from several years ago, called 10 Percent Happier. In it, Harris expressed a fresh way of looking at self-help: “Maybe the goal isn’t to be capital H Happy — but just a little happier across the board.”

This outlook can shift the goal posts for caregivers. “You can’t whack all the moles,” Dunleavey writes. “But you can rack up small wins, again, by focusing on the things within reach that make a difference.”

To Ease Caregiver Stress, Take More Time

Dunleavey calls time the “Holy Grail” of caregivers everywhere. “What wouldn’t you give to break free of competing priorities for a day?” she asks.

Thankfully, there are a few options. If the “unpaid” part of unpaid leave isn’t an issue for you, the Family Medical Leave Act provides eligible workers with up to 12 weeks of time off to care for a family member. This includes a sick or elderly parent (not just a new baby).

But paid time off is a possibility, too. Dunleavey writes, “If you live in one of 10 states — CA, CO, CT, MA, NJ, NY, OR, RI, WA, IL — or Washington D.C., you may be able to get paid time off for your caregiving duties. Starting in 2026, Delaware, Maine, Maryland, and Minnesota will join that list.”

Dunleavey recognizes that both options do require the extra tasks of paperwork and phone calls. “But if you’re going to add an annoying task to your To Do list, at least taking advantage of unpaid or paid leave could yield real windfalls of time and sanity,” she writes.

To Ease Caregiver Stress, Learn How to Breathe

Learning proper breathing is a pretty common technique for stress-management, and often a bit over-prescribed. But Krisher offers a different take. She suggests taking 30 seconds—in the shower, in the car, sitting in a waiting room—to try box breathing.

“Box breathing, or square breathing, is supposedly what Navy Seals do to keep calm, so it could well apply to caregivers, who work at least that hard,” Dunleavey writes. “Breathe in for a count of four. Hold your breath for a count of four. Breathe out for four. Hold for four. Repeat.”

Box breathing helps your brain and body to slow down, which in turn can lower stress hormones. Added oxygen is relaxing, too. “It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but when you do it consistently, the impact is incredible,” Krisher says.

To Ease Caregiver Stress, Shift Your Perspective

Jennifer Beard was a caregiver for a relatively short time before her mom died, but she still employed a lot of the “classic” self-care strategies, such as taking long walks, doing yoga, etc. But what really helped her to mitigate the stress, according to Beard, was knowing that her mom wasn’t the source of the pressure.

“It wasn’t my mother who was putting this psychological demand on me, it was the system,” Beard says.

Dunleavey elaborates, “By this, Beard is referring not only to the systems of Medicare and Medicaid, which offer little or no support for family caregivers, but the wider system of caregiving norms that define what a ‘good child’ should do for their older parents. (Beard wrote a harrowing essay, The Good Daughter, which inspired me to contact her for this story.)”

This type of reframing may not seem like a practical cure for the tangible difficulties of caregiving, but Krisher says that removing the emotional source of frustration between you and an older parent can bring real peace of mind. Caregiving is, after all, just as much an internal struggle as an external one.

“Take caregiver guilt,” Dunleavey writes. “When you have a recurring thought about what you should have or could have done, mentally list the positive things you did instead: We had a nice dinner. We didn’t fight in the car. The kids cleaned up the kitchen. This technique comes from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).”

Krisher adds, “It’s a good way to get our brains to think differently.”

To Ease Caregiver Stress, Learn to Say Yes

To conclude her article, Dunleavey recognizes that asking for help is hard, and it’s understandable to be reluctant to ask for others to step into your often-overwhelming role as a caregiver.

“But the truth is, we all need help,” she writes. “And asking for help can start with small things.”

Krisher takes it further and says that starting with the tiny things might be better: “If someone asks you if you need anything from the store, say, ‘Yes, could you pick up some bread?’”

What’s more, Krisher adds, it’s a lot easier to ask and accept help in other ways once you’ve broken the ice. “There are 53 million family caregivers,” she notes. “That’s about one in five adults. Everyone is taking care of somebody.”

Because of this, Dunleavey concludes—and we agree—everybody deserves a break.

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(originally reported at www.kiplinger.com)