Clutter! It’s the nemesis of a high percentage of American homeowners – including our aging parents. Like us, many if not most of our moms and dads have too much stuff crowded into too little space. That clutter might merely be a nuisance while they’re in good health. But when our parents have to move out of the family home due to age or infirmity, or when they finally pass away, guess what? That clutter becomes our problem.

If you’ve had the experience of cleaning out a parent’s home after they’ve passed away or become disabled, you know what the process is like: it’s tedious at best and emotionally draining at worst. Wouldn’t it be better to tackle the challenge of decluttering early on, while your parent can take an active role in the task? Why not deal with the clutter while they can join in?

In this recent article from NextAvenue, author and psychologist Cheryl Maguire provides us with some empathetic and positive recommendations on how to get the decluttering ball rolling in partnership with an aging loved one. This process, if handled well, will not only end up making life easier for you and your mom or dad, it can also transform an onerous chore into a positive, memory-making activity for you and someone you love.

Don’t Wait to Declutter Until Mom is Gone

Maguire begins with some relatable honesty: “My mom is a bit of a hoarder,” she writes. “She’s the type of person who saves her tax paperwork from the past 50 years.”

While Maguire likes to joke with her mom that the idea of cleaning out the basement after her mom’s death was giving her anxiety, the joke had a real basis of truth in it.

But Amy Pickard, an expert on advanced planning and owner of a business called Good to Go in Los Angeles, suggested that Maguire and her mom start decluttering now, and together. “I encourage people to clean out their places with their families,” Pickard says. “That way, you make new memories and it’s actually fun.”

What’s more, there’s truly no downside to decluttering with your adult parent. Pickard notes that “no one has said that was a bad idea” after they organized their home.

Decluttering Brings Out the Stories Behind the Treasures

Heather Aiello, CEO and founder at The Organized You, says that one of the best reasons to declutter with your parents while they are still alive is so that you can hear the stories behind their treasures and belongings. “Once your parent is gone, you will no longer have the opportunity to ask, ‘Why do we use this gravy boat every holiday?'” she says.

Pickard agrees, from personal experience. When her mother died, she didn’t leave behind any details about her funeral, paying her bills, or what to do with her things. This made settling her mother’s estate a real burden for Pickard, and extremely stressful.

On the positive side, this inspired her not to let the same thing happen with her father. She made sure to declutter with him while he was still able to pitch in, at age 68, so he could tell the stories behind items found in his desk.

“We just cleaned out his desk, which took five hours, but we ordered Marion’s (pizza) and put on some ’50s music and we laughed, sang along and reminisced,” she says. Her father also enjoyed the experience: Pickard remembers him saying, “I can see how this process is more fun while I’m alive.”

She adds, “It’s one of my favorite memories in the last year of his life.”

Embarking on the Decluttering Journey Together

Tina Priestly, owner and CEO of Ready, Set, REFRESH, a company based in Virginia that offers organizing services, says she was 56 when she helped her mother, aged 85, declutter. “We embarked on this journey together as she prepared to move into a retirement facility,” she recounts. “Going through items and reminiscing about our memories was not just practical but deeply enriching for both of us.”

Maguire notes that cleaning with your parent can help keep them focused on the job at hand, less susceptible to distraction. And on a practical note, Priestly adds that the experience also made her mother’s new home more manageable.

Motivate Mom and Dad by “Normalizing” the Process

Priestly’s discovery is not an isolated thing: parents usually have more stuff than they need, and decluttering can relieve a lot of the burden. “As a parent ages, there is less energy and motivation to get rid of things,” says Barbara Brock, founder of a professional organizing and staging company in Brooklyn.

Pickard agrees, saying, “We need to normalize downsizing. Our culture is obsessed with ascension, but the odds are, you’re going to die in a room in an assisted living facility or hospital room with none of your possessions.”

While Maguire understands that most people dread the idea of decluttering, organizing experts shared the following ways to make the process fun:

Decluttering Tip #1: Music Sets the Mood

Music, especially nostalgic music, is a great way to raise the mood and inspire discussion about memories the music brings up. Priestly stresses that the key to making the process enjoyable for everyone involved, especially your aging parents, is to approach it with a sense of warmth and nostalgia.

Brock says, “Adding music can add some fun to the often-perceived daunting tasks of decluttering. With a streaming service like Spotify, you can create a playlist or, if your parents have a record player and albums, you can rotate artists.”

Decluttering Tip #2: Add to the Fun with Food

Who doesn’t love a treat in the midst of a tough task? Maguire suggests having some fun food, like pizza or desserts, ready when you take a break from decluttering. It will give you something to look forward to. Or another option is to cook a favorite meal together and discuss memories tied to it.

“I feel close to my mom when I bake her recipes,” says Pickard.

Decluttering Tip #3: Share the Memories with Each Item

Don’t forget to ask for details. As you look through old photo albums, talk about the pictures. When you go through old clothes, chat about when those clothes were worn, what memories are connected to them.

“We like to come up with ways to capture stories or memories,” says Aiello. She suggests creating a memory box for each family member. You could also document the information in a journal, or record your parents telling the stories as you declutter.

Decluttering Tip #4: Document the Process

Pickard recommends taking pictures before, during and after you declutter, so that you can see tangible evidence of your hard work. But she also recommends taking photos of weird stuff you come across: “the hilarious hairdo photos of decades past and old toys you used to play with.”

Before she decluttered her mom’s house Pickard says she took lots of photos, and when she looks at them now, “it’s so comforting to see how my mom lived like her decor choices and to see all her stuff where she wanted it. That is nourishing for me.”

Treat Decluttering as an Opportunity

Maguire writes, “The best way to have a positive experience helping your parent sort through their things is to view it as an opportunity to get to know your parent better.”

Aiello agrees, adding, “Engage in conversations, share laughs and cherish the moments spent decluttering.”

Priestly’s words end the article, saying, “By creating a positive atmosphere, you can turn what may seem daunting into a meaningful bonding experience.”

Rajiv Nagaich – Your Retirement Planning Coach and Guide

The long-awaited book by Rajiv Nagaich, called Your Retirement: Dream or Disaster, has been released and is now available to the public. Retirement: Dream or Disaster joins Rajiv’s ground-breaking DVD series and workbook, Master Your Future, as a powerful planning tool in your retirement toolbox. As a friend of AgingOptions, we know you’ll want to get your copy and spread the word.

You’ve heard Rajiv say it repeatedly: 70 percent of retirement plans will fail. If you know someone whose retirement turned into a nightmare when they were forced into a nursing home, went broke paying for care, or became a burden to their families – and you want to make sure it doesn’t happen to you – then this book is must-read.

Through stories, examples, and personal insights, Rajiv takes us along on his journey of expanding awareness about a problem that few are willing to talk about, yet it’s one that results in millions of Americans sleepwalking their way into their worst nightmares about aging. Rajiv lays bare the shortcomings of traditional retirement planning advice, exposes the biases many professionals have about what is best for older adults, and much more.

Rajiv then offers a solution: LifePlanning, his groundbreaking approach to retirement planning. Rajiv explains the essential planning steps and, most importantly, how to develop the framework for these elements to work in concert toward your most deeply held retirement goals.

Your retirement can be the exciting and fulfilling life you’ve always wanted it to be. Start by reading and sharing Rajiv’s important message. And remember, Age On, everyone!

(originally reported at www.nextavenue.org)